This is a excerpt from a moment in a chapter of a book I wrote.?

Depending on what you have next, to keep the story moving, I think it could hold up in the romance department - I am not an avid romance reader unless they are historical or written with a twist of unusually creative writing such as Gargoyle (I really enjoyed that). You have grammar errors, punctuation etc... that could be worked on. Here s/b hear. Suddle s/b subtle. But it sounds like you should continue. This could be the next teenage thriller.